When Tammie Kelton, a grandmother from Ohio, posted a video on TikTok about why she doesn’t purchase her grandchildren presents, the responses have been huge and assorted. 

Many praised this grandma’s resolution to give attention to her 4 grandchildren’s futures by placing cash in funding accounts for every. 

“I simply keep in mind when my kids have been youthful, all of the Legos, all of the little Barbie sneakers, and simply all of the issues that simply received thrown away,” Kelton explains within the video. “I might simply fairly give them one thing that shall be a present that may final a lifetime or have a lifelong impact on them.”

However others didn’t agree, with some saying this grandmother received’t be the youngsters’ favourite relative and one other implying she “hates” her grandkids.

It’s clear: the subject of whether or not children ought to get presents is hotly debated. It’s additionally one which I struggled with in my own residence, too. What I realized is that present giving for teenagers might be advanced however there are methods to navigate it.

Getting Overwhelmed by Too Many Toys

It was proper earlier than my daughter’s fifth birthday once I glanced with exasperation round my children’ toy space in a nook of our residing house. Mounds of plastic toys, large and small, lay piled on prime of one another, most with one factor in frequent: My children, 9 and 5, hadn’t touched a lot of them in months. 

Sure, we put aside weekend afternoons to play with the toys. We even rotated the toy chest so they may re-discover long-lost ones. My children have at all times been actually nice at discovering imaginative methods to play. And nonetheless, we’ve got so many toys. 

I assumed again to Christmas mornings and through Hanukkah and birthdays, when presents poured into our residence. My children would excitedly open every one, looking for the one which promised the delight, marvel, and enjoyable they craved. The unlucky toys that didn’t hit the mark joined that forsaken pile. 

Whereas many caregivers on this nation and worldwide wrestle to afford the naked requirements in life, I do know that this problem of kids receiving too many toys is rife with privilege. As an immigrant who grew up with little or no cash or toys, it strikes me as unsettling that my children have entry to a lot in a world the place others are in want. 

However this finally lay on my shoulders. Had I gone too far in giving them what I didn’t have rising up? Did they’ve an excessive amount of stuff? The pile of toys was sending clear messages to the affirmative.  

I Nixed Items for My Children

I decided. 

After numerous modifying, I despatched a well mannered textual content to my household asking them to not purchase any toys for my daughter for her birthday. I instructed garments as a substitute. My sister-in-law, mom to 2 teenagers, texted, “Genius parenting transfer.” My aunt, who I’m near, merely mentioned, “OK.” 

I purchased one present for my daughter so she would have one thing to open on the morning of her birthday and that was it. Her birthday arrived and we excitedly gave her the only real current: a mini Poppy Playhouse (Trolls followers get it). She was over the moon with pleasure and performed with this for hours. 

However the outcomes of my request because it pertained to my household have been shocking—even to me.

My mother-in-law had already bought my daughter a present earlier than getting my little textual content. We visited her proper earlier than my daughter’s birthday and she or he introduced her with it: mini variations of her favourite baking instruments. What proceeded to occur was a complete morning spent baking cookies with the brand new instruments. 

My daughter skilled this particular bonding enjoyable together with her grandmother and I’ve been re-purposing the cookie cutters to make enjoyable shapes for lunchtime sandwiches. 

In the meantime, my son’s grandmother took him to a play about Percy Jackson from The Heroes of Olympus e-book sequence, which transported him from studying graphic novels to studying chapter books, actually in a single day. When presents can result in particular time with family members, it’s a win-win for all.  

Different family members nonetheless wished to provide my daughter a present too. They received inventive. Some gave money. Some gave handmade playing cards. Ultimately, many individuals need to give kids one thing and I wanted to discover a stability with out taking that away.

I made a decision to not inform all my household to chorus from shopping for my children something once more. As an alternative, I’ve realized present giving doesn’t have to only imply toys and opted to encourage family members to be aware of what they’re shopping for my children. That’s why I get the place Grandma Kelton is coming from. 

How To Navigate Items With Children

As a mum or dad, I fear about elevating children who don’t admire presents and switch into entitled folks. I additionally fear about simply what number of toys my children get and including unreasonable quantities of plastic to this world. 

So, what’s the answer?

Train your children gratitude 

When you nonetheless need your children to obtain presents–which is completely OK for the document–it’s best to spend a while educating them appreciation. 

“As dad and mom, we are able to foster an angle of aware receptivity in our youngsters in a number of methods,” says Sarah Harris, a Utah-based licensed marriage and household therapist and a registered play therapist supervisor. “One such approach is by pacing what number of presents they open at one time. This permits them to raised obtain a present whole-heartedly and with their full consideration.”

Mother and father can even encourage children to jot down down who the present giver is so as to present them a gesture of gratitude in a while. “This gesture is usually a household exercise of making artwork or a thanks observe for the giver,” says Harris. “I encourage my children to pause and take into consideration the particular person earlier than beginning the artwork or note-writing course of.”

Supply recommendations to these shopping for presents

Discovering alternatives to repurpose and thrift is a good suggestion, says Jessica Roff, Plastics and Petrochemicals Program Supervisor for the International Alliance for Incinerator Options (GAIA), a corporation aiming to finish waste air pollution. 

Roff additionally recommends shopping for merchandise from corporations that prioritize folks over revenue, that give a refund to communities, or create grant alternatives. 

“A part of it’s being cautious the place you select to spend your cash,” she says, including, “I’ll discover a present on Amazon after which seek for a small enterprise that sells it.” 

Plus, many of the toys available on the market are product of plastic. We are able to partake in gifting with out damaging the earth. “The fact is that plastic is poisonous and pervasive,” says Roff. “The techniques which might be creating this plastic disaster and our dependence on it are larger than us. One motion received’t change that however a number of actions inside one’s neighborhood can.” 

As an alternative of asking my household to cease shopping for my children toys, I plan to encourage them to provide a present from the center, whereas suggesting a couple of extra eco-friendly choices like secondhand or picket toys and even used clothes, when attainable. 

I plan to counsel giving a donation to a kid-centered group in my children’ names. I additionally need them to contemplate toys that may result in particular time with my children, a pathway to constructing reminiscences collectively. 

Be open to alter

Now again to the grandma in that TikTok video.

From my perspective, her selections appear grounded in a deep dedication to her grandchildren’s future and I received’t fault her for that. 

If one in all my kids’s grandparents took this stance, I’ll be sincere with you: I might be delighted to have fewer toys. I truly don’t assume my children would even discover the shortage of a present from that exact particular person, particularly if the grandparent was current in lots of different areas of their lives.

The underside line is, discover what works for you and your loved ones relating to present giving and be open to trendy choices. As with all else, moderation and open communication are key to a extra aware method to parenting.